Yes, he indeed does. Quite literally. He gets a chick - the original teeny fluffy cutie bird that comes out of a hen's egg - that is hot. Some of you might be wondering what chain of events led to this. Okay, so it happened that there's this great Finnish professor, Prof. Toad·waltz who specializes in writing operating systems for computers. When he's not doing that, he's in his private little poutlry farm that he keeps as a hobby. In one breeding season (for hens), a chick hatched with somewhat abnormal body metabolism. She had unusually high average body temperature and found it difficult to survive in the cold Finnish weather. Anxious about his chick's condition and failing to find any local solutions, Prof. Toadwaltz looked up his favourite newsgroup comp.poult.chicks and found this contextually irrelevant but accidentally fortunate post by our Voldy:
"Wanted, Hot Chick. Desperately. Write to: voldy@voldem.com."
Over a couple of email exchanges, Prof. Toadwaltz had Voldy's address and had determined that the climate of Dementia was great for the hot chick to thrive. So he couriered him the hot chick.
We won't get into the shocks and traumas Voldy went through right from when he got the little package, not to forget the horrible stink it had for the chick had no choice but to use the darned box as a bedroom-livingroom-bathroom set. So it's a couple of weeks since then and Voldy is wondering whether to complain to the professor or sue him. But deep deep down inside his decimated cerebral cortex, a series of neural impulses lead him to conclude that it would all come back to him - after all he'd posted on the wrong newsgroup. Besides, he was getting used to the chick and thought a pet wouldn't make his lonely life worse. So that's how the hot chick came to stay along with Voldy. However, Voldy's quest for the mystical hot chick is still on. Lots o' luck, Voldy.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Friday, March 2, 2007
Valleyball
[The National Game of Dementia]
This game uses an average football-sized football and is played between two teams of any size. Each team stands on a cliff on either side of a valley and tries to pass the ball to the other cliff in at most 3 touches. The game also occasionally involves a net. [See note on net below.] When a team is unsuccessful in passing the ball in 3 touches to the other cliff or the ball doesn't reach the said cliff and rolls down into the valley, the opposing team scores a point. A team wins when its score reaches either 73 with the other team at least 6 points behind or 121 with the other team at least 4 points behind. Failing both, scores are reset and the game starts over again. An annual Dementia-wide Valleyball competition is held where teams vie fiercely for the Catas Trophy. It is a significant event in Dementia and a national holiday is declared for the day of the final.
Net: When it rains on cliffs, rainwater trickles down them forming streams and waterfalls and on flatter valleys, collects forming ponds or small lakes. If water supply is perennial, chances are good that acquatic life forms appear and flourish in these water bodies. Chances are also good that neighbouring villagers notice this and try to make a living out of fishing here. While amateurs sit by the edge with fishing rods with plump tasty worms attached to hooks, the more professional ones set up fishing nets to reap in the abundance. When a valleyball drops into the valley, chances again are also good that the ball finds its way into a net. On such occurences, the player of the team sent down to fetch the ball must dive into the lake and rescue the ball risking life and limb. However, with the advent of modern diving gear, these risks have greatly reduced.
This game uses an average football-sized football and is played between two teams of any size. Each team stands on a cliff on either side of a valley and tries to pass the ball to the other cliff in at most 3 touches. The game also occasionally involves a net. [See note on net below.] When a team is unsuccessful in passing the ball in 3 touches to the other cliff or the ball doesn't reach the said cliff and rolls down into the valley, the opposing team scores a point. A team wins when its score reaches either 73 with the other team at least 6 points behind or 121 with the other team at least 4 points behind. Failing both, scores are reset and the game starts over again. An annual Dementia-wide Valleyball competition is held where teams vie fiercely for the Catas Trophy. It is a significant event in Dementia and a national holiday is declared for the day of the final.
Net: When it rains on cliffs, rainwater trickles down them forming streams and waterfalls and on flatter valleys, collects forming ponds or small lakes. If water supply is perennial, chances are good that acquatic life forms appear and flourish in these water bodies. Chances are also good that neighbouring villagers notice this and try to make a living out of fishing here. While amateurs sit by the edge with fishing rods with plump tasty worms attached to hooks, the more professional ones set up fishing nets to reap in the abundance. When a valleyball drops into the valley, chances again are also good that the ball finds its way into a net. On such occurences, the player of the team sent down to fetch the ball must dive into the lake and rescue the ball risking life and limb. However, with the advent of modern diving gear, these risks have greatly reduced.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Meet Voldy
[Cannibals, read as: Meat Voldy]
Voldy is a twenty-something single male living in Dementia. Like half of the people living in Dementia, he is demented like the other half of the people living in Dementia. He works for a multi-national corporation but neither he nor the corporation knows what their business is. But it doesn't bother Voldy as all that matters to him is his salary account getting credited at the end of every month as long as he 'works' there.
He wasn't demented a few years ago, though. All his explanations to the theory of life blowing up in his face, he decided to get voluntarily demented to escape the trauma. He is mostly happy now even though most of his brain is severly damaged. [Cannibals, please see note below.]
Voldy is obsessed with hot chicks. It's the foremost thing on his mind followed by what to eat for the next meal. All his efforts to hook up with hot chicks have been successful. [All elephants inside a loaf of bread are pink.]
Isn't it a curious coincidence that Voldy's name sounds similar to our blog's name Voldem? Anyways, watching TV is Voldy's favourite pastime and bestows him with a lot of useless knowledge. A few colleagues and friends of questionable credibility form the remaining part of his life. Voldy loves playing Valley·ball. The unfriendly neighbourhood cannibals are his nemesis and are out to eat him any moment.
Voldy is a twenty-something single male living in Dementia. Like half of the people living in Dementia, he is demented like the other half of the people living in Dementia. He works for a multi-national corporation but neither he nor the corporation knows what their business is. But it doesn't bother Voldy as all that matters to him is his salary account getting credited at the end of every month as long as he 'works' there.
He wasn't demented a few years ago, though. All his explanations to the theory of life blowing up in his face, he decided to get voluntarily demented to escape the trauma. He is mostly happy now even though most of his brain is severly damaged. [Cannibals, please see note below.]Voldy is obsessed with hot chicks. It's the foremost thing on his mind followed by what to eat for the next meal. All his efforts to hook up with hot chicks have been successful. [All elephants inside a loaf of bread are pink.]
Isn't it a curious coincidence that Voldy's name sounds similar to our blog's name Voldem? Anyways, watching TV is Voldy's favourite pastime and bestows him with a lot of useless knowledge. A few colleagues and friends of questionable credibility form the remaining part of his life. Voldy loves playing Valley·ball. The unfriendly neighbourhood cannibals are his nemesis and are out to eat him any moment.Friday, February 23, 2007
First post
[Frust post]
No. I don't want to start with something undemented and boring like "Welcome to Vol Dem!" or describe in a few words what this blog is (not) about. Neither do I want to start with something like "Check check" or "Testing blog" which would be a super-dumb thing to do [obviously they tested the whole blog thing before putting it up so why need you test it?]. Maybe I should just move on to the second post and forget about the first one. Don't read this further, there might or might not be more stuff ahead. You're not supposed to read this, I asked you to stop reading in the previous sentence. Oh, c'mon, will ya please cut it off? There there, you just won't quit, would you? This is more than enough now, I doubt whether you even understand English. Hey! I mean, what the hell? You don't have any any thing better to do at this moment, do you? Well, let's see where you follow me up to. Still with me? Give up, man, this is the limit. Stop wasting precious time. Your computer probably went through 20 billion clock cycles since I asked you to stop reading, it could have done so much useful than just displaying this blog page. Oh, for Universe's sake, go away, just go away! How should I communicate this simple message to your maggot brain: please stop reading! Ahem... congratulations! You just passed the PTI [preliminary test of insanity] required to read further articles on this blog. Now you are officially qualified to read other stuff; go ahead, explore and get demented!
No. I don't want to start with something undemented and boring like "Welcome to Vol Dem!" or describe in a few words what this blog is (not) about. Neither do I want to start with something like "Check check" or "Testing blog" which would be a super-dumb thing to do [obviously they tested the whole blog thing before putting it up so why need you test it?]. Maybe I should just move on to the second post and forget about the first one. Don't read this further, there might or might not be more stuff ahead. You're not supposed to read this, I asked you to stop reading in the previous sentence. Oh, c'mon, will ya please cut it off? There there, you just won't quit, would you? This is more than enough now, I doubt whether you even understand English. Hey! I mean, what the hell? You don't have any any thing better to do at this moment, do you? Well, let's see where you follow me up to. Still with me? Give up, man, this is the limit. Stop wasting precious time. Your computer probably went through 20 billion clock cycles since I asked you to stop reading, it could have done so much useful than just displaying this blog page. Oh, for Universe's sake, go away, just go away! How should I communicate this simple message to your maggot brain: please stop reading! Ahem... congratulations! You just passed the PTI [preliminary test of insanity] required to read further articles on this blog. Now you are officially qualified to read other stuff; go ahead, explore and get demented!
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